ANALYSIS: Does lack of facial hair make a CFB coach more successful?
It’s conference championship weekend with several high-profile matchups that have “loser leaves town” stipulations as teams vie for a spot in the CFB Playoff. After enjoying the early slate of games, I started to flip between the SEC and AAC Championship games when I had had an observation that would send me down a rabbit hole:
“Hm, neither Nick Saban nor Dan Mullen have facial hair.”
It started as an innocent observation. Just a fan admiring Nick Saban’s stone cold stare as he chewed out a referee, his mask slipping further and further down his face. I had a BRIEF moment where I wondered what was underneath. It has been so long since we saw so many of our favorite college coaches smiles.
When was the last time someone saw Lane Kiffin smile? Perhaps someone caught a glance as he winked at co-eds during a Tuesday night power hour in Oxford?
Has anyone seen Bret Bielema’s pearly whites this year (excluding the waiter at Buffalo Wild Wings after dropping off 3 dozen hot garlic boneless wings with extra wet naps)?
How were any of Hugh Freeze’s recruits able to see the coy smile on his face when he told them about the “talent” they would have access to at Liberty?
The oh-so-brief doubt in my mind on Nick Saban’s facial hair situation lead me to another earth-shattering revelation: I could not think of a single coach with facial hair.
This simply could not be true, so I started with a gut check on the game’s I had watched that day:
Nick Saban & Dan Mullen are clean-shaven. Luke Fickell & David Montgomery? Sans-beard. Dabo & Brian Kelly? Smooth like a baby’s bottom. Ryan Day & Pat Fitzgerald? Nope (though Ryan Day is dangerously close with some heavy shadow).
Wow, that is a lot of guys’ guys without any moustaches, beards, chops, or soul patches. This was admittedly a small sample size, so I wanted to expand my horizons:
Do any of the Top 25 coaches in CFB have facial hair?
Before we dive into the results, I want to be as transparent as possible with my analysis. In order to be as consistent as possible, I wanted to create a precise method to officially deem coaches as “clean shaven”:
Coaches will be judged based on their Wikipedia picture. This is the most consistent (and quickest) way to conduct the analysis and Wikipedia provides the photo the public deems as the best representation of the coaches self.
If a coach does not have a Wikipedia picture OR if the Wikipedia picture is inconclusive (i.e. slight scruff or a bad angle), I went to a simple Google images search to see if there was a consensus on facial hair possession.
If the Google search offers mixed results, I then went to the coach’s personal Twitter account and looked at their profile photo. This photo represents what the coach wants his fanbase and potential recruits to see, so seems like a fair benchmark.
If the Twitter photo is STILL inconclusive (i.e. we had a few cases the coach was not in the photo?), the final tiebreaker will be a count of the first 10 Google Images that appear when searched. The majority of beard or beardless photos gets the nod.
Now that the criteria is cleared up, I want to say one last thing. I understand that A) photos of traditionally hairless coaches WITH facial hair exist and B) there may be current photos of a few coaches rocking a COVID beard. DO NOT SEND ME THESE PHOTOS.
I present my results of the Top 25 head coaches facial hair situation:
To give some context to the above, according to a very strange mens grooming blog I found, 33% of American men have facial hair. Only 3 of the Top 25 (12%) current programs’ coaches have facial hair and even THAT might be generous.
Lincoln Riley & Billy Napier were tough calls. Both coaches have an inconclusive Wiki photo, mixed Google results, and Twitter photos show some pretty light scruff. Ultimately, I gave Riley & Napier the nod for facial hair possession based on the belief that they want to have facial hair. This one could have gone to the final tiebreaker but I showed both coaches mercy.
To many, the above would be compelling data, but I needed to go deeper.
How many Power 5 coaches in CFB have facial hair?
ACC
The ACC gets the Power 5 off to a hot start with 13/14 head coaches donning bare faces. The only coach hanging on to his scruff is also the least experienced coach in the league. There are whispers around the league that Coach Hafley cost his team an early lead vs Clemson by not shaving at halftime.
BIG 12
They don’t play defense in the Big 12, but their coaches DO play defense against the ever-growing threat of 5 o’clock shadow. While the Big 12 is slightly closer to the national average (20% hairy), the two coaches who are holding out on picking up the razor hardly count. Both Lincoln Riley & Tom Herman play both sides of the ball, opting occasionally for a clean-shaven look.
BIG TEN
A nice showing for the Big Ten, though I am surprised more of these hard-nosed midwest guys don’t have a little scruff to show off their grit. The only facial hair in the league belongs to keepers of the goatee, including Mike Locksley who holds the worst career coaching record in the P5. Are you seeing a trend yet?
PAC 12
The PAC 12 is officially the hairiest conference in football with:
The most total coaches with facial hair in any P5 conference.
The highest percentage of facial hair in any P5 conference.
The only two “full beards” in the Power 5.
The most lush (in terms of volume) beard in the Power 5: Nick Rolovich.
SEC
South Eastern Conference? More like Shave Everything Conference. The SEC is a clean sweep in terms of keeping their coaches’ follicles plucked.
Nobody embodies the SEC’s new namesake like new Vanderbilt head coach Clark Lea. Although Lea was named head coach earlier this week and has yet to lead his team onto the gridiron - he is already destined for greatness. I am officially declaring Lea “the smoothest man in football”. Not a hair in sight. Congrats, Clark!
CONCLUSION
Only 8 out of 62 coaches (13%) in the Power 5 have facial hair, which is significantly lower than the national average. The results are conclusive - the more barren your face, the more fruitful you career will be:
Coaches without facial hair (.626) have a higher career winning PCT vs those with facial hair (.596)
Want to expand the playoff? Well the Top 16 coaches, in terms of career wins, do NOT have facial hair.
And most importantly - according to my analysis, a coach with facial hair has never won an NCAA football national championship.
Tip for aspiring coaches and current coaches looking to improve: pick up the razor.