Pup In The Arena: Handicapping the Puppy Bowl XVIII MVP Race
There is not a group of canine talent evaluators on the planet better than our scouting department here at Four Verts.
We have studied the film, conducted player interviews, and scoured veterinarian records in order to bring you the most accurate (and only?) betting guide in the industry when it comes to this year’s Puppy Bowl MVP race.
Let’s take a look at the field:
Tucker
We’re going to ease into the race with a solid all-around pick in my guy, Tucker. He is half Chihuahua and half Poodle. Unconventional mix? Yes. But we are getting the explosiveness and scrappiness of the Chiahauaha on top of the refined, pro-ready frame of a Poodle.
Tucker looks like a grizzled vet and he possess the one thing I am looking for most in these pups: dead eyes. Tucker has no aspirations, no emotional connections, and just not a whole lot going on in his head. He’s just ready to play ball.
MVP Odds: +350
Rocket
I am not sure if this is a positive (2x Super Bowl champion) or negative (no longer good at football), but this dog looks exactly like Ben Roethlisbeger in this photo….right? Necks-for-days.
MVP Odds: +500
Odell Barkham
I am fundamentally opposed to dog names like this. If you do not call this dog his full name on a daily basis, you CANNOT submit his full name to Discovery Channel. Odell seems like a good boy, but his owners have upset me.
MVP Odds: +1000
Rob Gronchkoski
HEY, CAN WE CALM DOWN WITH THESE NAMES? Solid hand size will lead to firm grip on ball and reduce turnover probability.
MVP Odds: +225
Olive
Olive is bracing for contact and the game has not even started, so we know she does not fight for extra yards. Every year it seems like I am genuinely concerned for the well-being of one dog – Olive is this year’s pick.
MVP Odds: +7500
Squeak
This is a cat.
MVP Odds: +10000
Pudding
This is where the true talent evaluators separate themselves from the hacks. Kiper & McShay would probably tell you they love this dog’s size and build. Part Labrador / Part Pitbull – what’s not to like? Seems like a game bred competitor.
But when you’re really grinding film, you will tend to notice thing’s like Pudding’s beta posture. If you’re lining up in the trenches across from Pudding, and you see that lackadaisical, droopy-headed stance, you already know you’ve won. Sorry, Pudding – not fooling me.
MVP Odds: +1800
Mr. Tinkles
Poor Mr. Tinkles. He probably had an accident as a young puppy and now has to live going by MISTER TINKLES his whole life.
That’s like if my parents named me Mr. Shit His Pants Before His Field Trip To An 1800s Living History Museum And We Had To Bring Him New Underwear.
(Last Name: And He Missed The School Bus.)
MVP Odds: +2800
Baxter
You see: a dog that needs to immediately contact a veterinary opthamologist.
I see: a player that always has his head on a swivel.
We are not the same.
MVP Odds: +400